I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
