6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
