K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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