before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
