census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize