the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
