I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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