Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
