I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
