This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize