i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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