I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i think my cat just said my name.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize