Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
