i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
