his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
