It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize