in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
