I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
