I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
