so explain again why im purple
no
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize