why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
