well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
