Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
