just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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