The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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