Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
