i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
