My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
