hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
