I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
