I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
