covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We just shotgunned beers for America
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
