Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
why do cheetos always look like penises
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Im part way to drunk.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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