I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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