you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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