what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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