she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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