Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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