someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
