pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
FUCK WHALES
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
