I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
