how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize