the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
