A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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