stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
