Someone shit on the floor
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize