I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
