I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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