just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
