i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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