i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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