I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
