mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
