I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
