Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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