I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
