I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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