Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
