Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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