I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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