just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
