I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
