woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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