Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
