So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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