Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
