i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize