we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
